Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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