Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
