you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
