I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
