kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
