all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
