Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
