you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
