At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
