What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
