My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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