I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
