How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
