The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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