Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
