the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
