just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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