I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
