Im at strip club and am horny
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
