I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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