i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
