Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
