Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
