Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
