Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
