never play flip cup with pint glasses
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
