I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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