Pants 0. Shit 1.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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