when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
