I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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