We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
