So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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