I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you didnt know i had herpes?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
