I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
