There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
