If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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