I heard we made out
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Randomize
