Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
