It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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