i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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