grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
