Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
