So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
