I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
