I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
