i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
