I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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