my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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