woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
