Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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