I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
