sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
